ACT 1 SCENE 3
INT. DR. FIDELIS’S OFFICE – DAY.
DR FIDELIS’S office is decorated with pictures, books and emblems. One of the books is titled: 'No Food for a Lazy Man'. The quotes read, 'Think what you can do for your country, and not what the country will do for you' and 'No hope for the poor'. These are affixed on a notice board. A teeming crowd of people are queuing up outside the lecturer’s office to see him with sorting money, but only one of his students, Charles, has come to see his grades and discuss his project proposal with the lecturer. A woman is pushing through the throng, making her way to see DR. FIDELIS with her sick daughter. As she walks closer to the door, a light shines more brightly on it so that the audience can clearly read the quote pasted to it: 'Your sickness cannot be cured if you do not sort yourself out'. The woman opens the door a bit, and DR. FIDELIS sees her and lets her and her daughter into his office. Some students standing near the office door murmur over DR. FIDELIS’S quotes and books.
CHARLES
I’m fed up with these gormless write-ups.
PEACE
Why are you so worried about them?
He points at the door.
CHARLES
Just take a look at those quotes. What do you think DR. FIDELIS is trying to communicate?
PEACE
It makes sense. You can’t cure your disease if the cause hasn’t yet been discovered.
CHARLES
No, use your literary prowess to find the hidden meaning in the quotes.
OTHER STUDENTS
(look frazzled)
We have never seen a corrupt man who writes as cunningly as DR. FIDELIS.
She speaks to CHARLES.
PEACE
But what do you deduce from those write-ups? I think most lecturers write to show that they’re creative and have read a lot. That may be the only reason for those write-ups.
CHARLES
No, that isn’t the reason.
She looks curious.
PEACE
Then tell me the meaning of the write-ups.
Tears cloud his eyes, rolling onto his cheeks. Peace wipes them away with her handkerchief.
CHARLES
If I tell you the lecturer’s tricks, you, daughter of Eve, will not believe me.
PEACE
All right, let’s forget it then.
He clears his voice.
CHARLES
You came for sorting?
She smiles.
PEACE
Yes, what about you?
Charles looks into her eyes.
CHARLES
That’s the meaning of the write-up. 'Your sickness' is your academic downfall. 'Be cured' means to improve your grade, and 'sort yourself out' means to use money to get the grade you want. And it’s not only money you can use to sort yourself out; women can use what they have to get what they want, but men are hard done by fellow men. Instead of helping one another, men focus only on women.
PEACE
(delighted)
That is absolutely wonderful and I concur.
CHARLES
(aside)
I see almost all the students like to do sorting to get the best grades. Really, there are people for whom this sorting has opened their gate of cross over, and those who have remained immovable though the wisdom in them cries out for justice.
PEACE
Money answers all things.
CHARLES
Of what use is money in the hand of a fool, since he has no intention of acquiring wisdom?
THE SCENE FADES IN TO THE OFFICE OF DR FIDELIS, WHERE HE, MAMA NGOZI AND HER SICK DAUGHTER ARE. MAMA NGOZI IS FAIR AND AVERAGE IN HEIGHT, THE WIDOW OF A DRUNKARD WHO WAS POISONED AND LEFT NGOZI AS HIS ONLY HEIR. NGOZI IS A TALL, BEAUTIFUL GIRL OF TWENTY YEARS.
MAMA NGOZI
DR. FIDELIS, how are work and family?
DR. FIDELIS sounds paranoid about her motives for bringing NGOZI.
DR. FIDELIS
Fine, and you?
MAMA NGOZI
I’m fine, but my child is complaining that she is dropped like nine-pins.
DR. FIDELIS looks surprised to hear such a grammar coming from a woman who received no formal education.
DR. FIDELIS
Dropped like nine-pins? For how long?
MAMA NGOZI
It was yesterday, and today she started vomiting.
He nods his head.
DR. FIDELIS
Did you try to take her to a health centre?
MAMA NGOZI
No. That is why I brought her to you to cure. I heard that you’re now a doctor.
He smiles.
DR. FIDELIS
You’re right, but I’m not a medical doctor.
She looks disillusioned.
MAMA NGOZI
If you cannot cure a sickness like my daughter’s that means you ain’t a doctor at all . . . unless you just don’t want to help me. It’s been circulated all over the town and community that you are a doctor. Everyone is proud of you.
DR. FIDELIS
(patronizingly)
Woman, I cure illiteracy, which is also a disease in our society. Thus, I am an educational doctor, not a medical doctor.
She's infuriated.
MAMA NGOZI
People say, 'Superior doctors prevent sickness; mediocre doctors attend to impending sickness; inferior doctors treat actual sickness'. Is there any doctor who doesn’t treat common infections? Your mother is at home in need of a cure for her illiteracy, and you are here claiming that you’re an educational doctor.
DR. FIDELIS
(apologetically)
All right, madam. I’ll take NGOZI to a health centre for diagnosis after attending to my students. Please wait for me in the corridor, close to where the students are queuing up.
MAMA NGOZI and her daughter leave. NGOZI gives DR. FIDELIS a lascivious look. CHARLES enters.
CHARLES
Good afternoon, sir.
He looks into Charles’s eyes.
DR. FIDELIS
Afternoon, my dear. How may I help you?
CHARLES
Please, can I see my grades in English 412, African Literature, and 411, Afro-American and Caribbean Literature?
DR. FIDELIS
Did you buy my books?
CHARLES
I’ve read them.
DR. FIDELIS
You misunderstand me. I said, did you buy my books for the two courses?
CHARLES
No, sir.
DR. FIDELIS
How will you pass my courses if you refuse to buy my books for the two courses? Failure to get reading material for the courses results in definite academic doom. Now, young man listen; seek first the kingdom of books from a lecturer and other things shall be provided to you. You can go and prepare to re-write them next year.
Drops of lachrymation hurtle down his cheeks.
CHARLES
I did not refuse to buy your books. The problem is that my dad is poor. Dr. Fidelis points with his right hand.
DR. FIDELIS
You see that the book is titled, ‘No Hope for the Poor?’ Education does not know whether your dad is poor or not. There’s nothing in this world that does not require money.
He opens his drawer and brings out a file that contains the results. Charles passed the two courses under let my people go.
DR. FIDELIS (CONT’D)
You did not do well in the two courses.
CHARLES
What can I do? Please help me.
DR. FIDELIS
Do what the others are doing because I cannot manufacture scores for you without it costing you anything.
CHARLES goes off, Peace with seductive breasts enters.
PEACE
Good afternoon, sir.
Wears his eyeglasses to glance at a novel, A Second-Class Citizen by BUCHI AMAECHETA.
DR. FIDELIS
Afternoon dear.
Smiles, revealing her raunchy gap teeth.
PEACE
----
DR. FIDELIS
(annoyed)
You have been silent since you entered, what can I do for you? Or did you come for some other business?
PEACE
I’m sorry! I came to see my scores.
DR. FIDELIS (CONT’D)
Did you register for the courses?
PEACE
(confused)
I don’t understand...
DR. FIDELIS
Did you buy my books?
PEACE
Yes, I did.
DR. FIDELIS
What is your matric number?
PEACE
19992/B.A/18295
He opens the result file and sees that Peace has failed.
DR. FIDELIS
Your results are too bad to mention. I’ve tried my best to grade you higher, but yet you’ve failed. That means you’ve written complete nonsense. Now you can only sort yourself out in those courses. For me to upgrade your scores to 50 or 60, you must bring #6,000.00 for each course, plus that thing. {He points at her pelvis}.
PEACE
Please, I do not understand ‘plus that thing’. What do you mean?
Dr. Fidelis looks at her sexy pointed nipples.
DR. FIDELIS
You mean, you don’t know the dividing line that existed before Adam right from Creation? Without using that to digest your sorting money, there wouldn’t be any scores for you!
Peace begins to undress.
PEACE
I’m getting ready for business!
He touches her delicate parts.
DR. FIDELIS
Make arrangements in a hotel, book a nice room, and then call me.
She brings out #12,000.00.
PEACE
Sir, here is the money.
DR. FIDELIS
Ah! You people are spoiling me with money! Just leave it on that table… slowly…slowly…so I can see you well, and after attending others, we will meet in the hotel you’ve booked.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE LECTURER’S OFFICE - DAY
SALOMI
Our generation will be worse because when I become a lecturer, I will take a huge amount of money from students for sorting.
MANSI
Let’s keep our fingers crossed. Time will tell.
ACROSS THE COURTYARD. DR.FIDELIS HEADS TOWARDS THE HEALTH CENTRE WITH MAMA NGOZI AND HER DAUGHTER, NGOZI.
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